MIND THE GAP X: To Test Sexual Prowess or Not to Test?

A Lady dating a guy and they both agreed to stay off sex till when they get married because they are Christians and sex outside marriage is a sin.  After much pressure and demand from the lady’s mother to ascertain the sexual capability of the man her daughter was going to be married to, the lady gave in and decided to actually find out.

After pressuring the guy, the lady found out the man’s major problems was that he had a very tiny penis and reached orgasm in seconds, so he couldn’t satisfy her sexually, and that was his actual issue with sex before marriage.

After several checkups and medications both western and traditional to try to help the guy enlarge his penis and delay orgasm the lady had to call off the relationship knowing fully well if she entered into marriage with the man she will have extra marital affairs because the man will never satisfy her..

This brings up the discussion about whether you should test your sexual performance level before getting married.  If not, what is the solution not to fall into this kind of trap from impotent men or spouses that that can’t perform?

Black woman hugging her knees

What should couples dating do in this regard? What are your thoughts? Please share with us. Please share some of your own stories with me by mail to coach@thecatalystng.com



The Catalyst, Lanre Olusola 


  • Jessica April 12, 2016 Reply

    I’m single and this is a serious reality amongst us dating. I think the lady did the right thing as she may end up committing adultery. How can we avoid such? After keeping yourself for marriage and you meet this what do you do? I hope the married ones can chime in here to provide more knowledge as this one just opened a whole lot of worry cans for me. I will come back to read more comments. God Have mercy

  • Henry April 12, 2016 Reply

    I know someone in a situation like this but willing to tell his girlfriend. But is it possible any lady will accept this situation and go ahead?

  • Ak April 12, 2016 Reply

    The situation throws up more questions. Is it true that a man’s excellent sexual performance will discourage a woman from committing adultery?
    What if this pre-marital sterling performance is cut short by accident or health problems?
    Sex education is critical in addressing this issue. There are solutions to small penis size and poor sexual performance.

  • Kemi April 12, 2016 Reply

    Can God blame us for sex before marriage again? I am a virgin but I’m beginning to consider having sex just to test things. These stories are becoming many and it’s hard to know what to do anymore. Thank you for your comment @Adewale Aladejana, it was a bit calming.

  • Josephine April 12, 2016 Reply

    This situation is kind of dicey,in as much as God has commanded us his children to keep the bed undefiled,I think He knows everything and He will help us not to fall into all this mess. I called it mess in the sense that it would be a serious problem if that kind of thing should happen to a geniune christian who actually waited to keep God’s word. May God help us!

  • Oye April 12, 2016 Reply

    Thank you brother @Walejana …sex before marriage is a big struggle but its worth the wait…
    About testing sexual performance marriage, i’ll still say no…i believe sexual satisfaction totally has nothing to do with the size of a man’s penis. It all falls on changing our mindset…i will also appreciate if i’m being the told the problem if there is any. I know medically there are ways to go about it & i also believe with God everything will work out for my good.

  • Grace April 12, 2016 Reply

    Nice article! The bible says those who put their trust in the Lord shall never bé put to shame. There is sincerely nothing to worry about if you walk with God diligently. For hé says; eyes have not seen nor has ear heard that which hé can do for those who trust in him. So far, you are abstaining in obedience to the word of God and no other selfish reason, my dear God’s gat your back. He will surely walk before you and make every crooked path straight. He’s never failed anyone, so he won’t start from you. But, you must not lean on your own understanding, you need to trust his ways.

  • bolajoko April 12, 2016 Reply

    first i will say we must understand that abstaining from sex before marriage is God’s instruction. for any woman that feels she need to test run the guy so as not to committ adultery in marriage should know that that step it a way that lead to sin( the bible says there is a way that seem right to man… but the end is distraction) no man can be as wise as your maker. u are not keeping yourself to make record, u are doing it cos it what God want. it may not be easy to it is not impossible. let do the right thing.

  • Uwana April 12, 2016 Reply

    Sex is an art that can be learnt and improved on. There’s quite a body of published research work indicating that sex can still be satisfying regardless of organ size.

    That brings me to another point; average organ size is measured around 12cm when erect.

    Most women are said to have clitorial orgasm rather than deep vaginal simulation.

    The importance therefore according to research is the girth (the diameter) of the penis when erect, to stimulate the vaginal wall.

    Further because majority of men attach a lot of importance to their penis size. A lot of them have self confidence issues and affects their in-bed performances.

    If a couple keep an open mind and are committed to explore and learn what works for them, they’ll find immense sexual satisfaction.

    It is challenging as one gets older to remain sexually “innocent”. Even our subconscious respond to anything that remotely represents sex.

    If you’re on your way to marriage, hang in there and wait, it is a symbol of honor to God. You do not need to test.

    Your spouse might not have a great first start. But given time (short time), he/she will get better.

    See: http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/penis-health/Pages/penis-size.aspx

    PS: I’m not married YET. Trusting God that it’s going to happen this year. My fiance and I have committed to sex only in marriage. It hasn’t been a walk in the park.

    I have benefited from the knowledge of older married couples who have volunteered most of the information I just shared.


  • Uju April 12, 2016 Reply

    Hnmnmm….I don’t think small penis or lack of sexual performance is the main reason for adultery. Cheating is a habit. Some people get all the love and attention from their spouses, yet they still cheat

  • Adetutu April 12, 2016 Reply

    @ Kemi, please do not. The devil will always find a means to twist God’s outlined plan for us. Please do not heed to people’s opinions. People are always willing to push you into things because they want you to be like them. I believe God knows what He said, telling us not to engage in pre-marital sex; there is no need to understand why; just believe, trust Him and obey. He knows best and i believe that if you are adhering to God’s commandment because you want to obey Him and not for other reasons, He will never put you in such a situation.

  • Titi April 12, 2016 Reply

    This is really a hard topic. I got married as a virgin and ended up with a man who was not a virgin and who was impotent. I tried, I managed to deal with the issue and infertility for 13 years. The African mentality of infertility as the problem of the woman didn’t make matters easy. Furthermore modern techniques of IVF didn’t work after several cycles. The frustration is real, coupled with other sundry marital issues. I had to walk away not as a result of the infertility or impotency but because of the emotional abuse.

    I’m now starting life over after being separated for 2 years with a man that loves me and have decided to ‘test” first before committing again, I felt bad and felt I let God down by falling into sin, however I since discovered that the sexual experience of my first marriage was a sham total fraud, and to think that I endured a marriage without any form of sexual satisfaction for 13 years.

    From my experience I can understand the philosophy of testing first but then again how many people are you going to test. And I feel now from my experience that a lot of innocent and naive girls like me sometimes end up with impotent men. I think that a man should be open to discuss these issues with his lady upfront before marriage so that the lady can make an informed choice either to follow through or back off.

    • Lanre olusola April 13, 2016 Reply

      Thank you for sharing your story, insightful. Shalom!

  • tee April 12, 2016 Reply

    To test or not to test? If u test and are not satisfied, u move up to another, then the next and next.. who is losing.. Definitely u. God had a reason for saying No sex before marriage. It not so easy at this age. Everything we listen,watch brings out sexuality.. God’s help is definitely needed. My Advice is leave it to God.. Abstain.

  • Van April 12, 2016 Reply

    Ladies please test your market oooo. Don’t ever fall into that trap. This case is mild. Its not just impotency anymore. most men use this as a decoy and With the spiking rate of homosexualism you may fall victim.

  • Toyin April 13, 2016 Reply

    I agree with those who have said the way to go is to trust and obey God. The devil is a deciever, making you believe you have to test the waters first so you don’t end up being unhappy and dissatisfied and fall into the sin of adultery after marraige but then you commit fornication. What if the next relationship has similar issues, then you become a fornicator having to try out sex before marriage. God is more interested in your marraige and success than you are, it doesn’t tell well of Him if we are not successful in any area of our lives just like a bad image of a child reflects on the parents. Like the hymn says, “Trust and Obey, for there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus, than to trust and obey”

  • Tareeq April 13, 2016 Reply

    This is a topic we try to gladly shy away from. As serious as it is need I say it could be more embarrassing for alot of people. I had been keeping myself from a younger age after suffering sexual abuse at a tender age. I found myself in a quagmire where I was tested positive with hiv. Now what would you do? the thoughts of Marriage disappeared. I became suicidal and all. And what with finding the right girl to marry in my circumstances? The girl I was dating then suddenly got a breakup for no reason because I didn’t want to hurt her. PS: we stayed off sex. I TOOK IT TO GOD IN PRAYERS. To send a woman who would love me in this condition of God won’t heal me now. I made a comment online and a virtous girl came through like Ruth from now where to my Boaz. It was as if i had been waiting for her all my life. She’s positive too. Maybe I wouldn’t have met her if I wasn’t positive. The essence of this story is : GOD’S A FIXER. He does it effortlessly. Losing your virginity and testing the waters isn’t a guarantee for a good marriage; neither is being good in bed is all about marriage. Your husband might have a small d**k but God compensates you and gives you beautiful children, good jobs and happiness. Your wife maybe be on the big side but she’s homely, virtuous and motherly to your children. It’s not a win win situation in marriage and that’s where God comes in; some battles we lose and some we win and God steps in to make our limitations look great. Not every woman will get TALL, DARK, HANDSOME, 6-PACKS AND HUGE EGGPLANT. Neither will all men will get DROP DEAD GORGEOUS!

    That’s where the God-factor comes in. If you didn’t help why would God step in.

    Ps: will be getting married soonest.

    • Lanre olusola April 13, 2016 Reply

      Dear Tareeq, Thank you for sharing your story. God bless you and I wish you a happy married life in all areas. Shalom

  • Deji April 13, 2016 Reply

    My life is transformed by these posts and comment. Almost had sex with my ex trying to prove to her I’m a capable man but I couldn’t, not because I have a small penis or impotency (I surely don’t) but because of my love for God. I am still a virgin and more encouraged to keep myself till marriage.

  • Emmanuel U I April 13, 2016 Reply

    Problems abound these days cos we’ve chosen to lead ourselves rather than allow God to lead us. Some say marriage used to work out well back in d day. All manner of sexual sins these days n we end up n say it doesn’t work anymore. You can’t eat ur cake n have it. That lady may just keep on testing every man that come across her cos of a misguided mother. She will c all sizes, fat, long, longlasting n may never b satisfied. I learnt of a mother who told a friend of mine same thing that d daughter will test and test. What if d high performer doesn’t stay faithful?

  • Adedolapo Akande April 17, 2016 Reply

    A lot of marriages nowadays are based on deceptions which are beyond sexual issues. A lot of people are solely in the religious places to get a partner. It takes being under the guidance of the Holy spirit to be able to discern all these issues. What do you say of lady who pretends to abstain from sex until marriage as this will no even make her to sleep overnight just because she bedwets. In all it takes God

  • Moromoluwa April 20, 2016 Reply

    The problem with most singles is, we usually forget the place of God when it’s time to choose, we choose based on our feelings and sometimes because the person seems to have all the characteristics of our dream man/woman, Let God choose for you, don’t test run anything, pray and talk about your sexual issues, if the person is right he/she will stay.

  • Toroti April 20, 2016 Reply

    Wow!!! I’m truly blessed by this. I’m still a virgin, and I’ve lost 4 relationships just because I refused to compromise, it’s been hard, but I’m greatly encouraged by this. Thank you all for sharing. Thank you so much Life coach, God Bless.

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