THE LISTENING FATHER: The Role of A Father in The Life of His Daughter

Last week, I  had the honor of interacting with some fathers and their daughters at the US Consulate Lagos. This event was organized by the The Girls Aide initiative, founded by Dr. Abosede Lewu.

The objectives for the event as communicated by the organizers were:

  • Setting a tone for conversations between fathers and daughters.
  • Educate them on the bigger role and responsibilities they have to their Daughters.
  • Enlighten them on the role of men in gender parity.

As we all know, parenting in the digital age is way different from parenting in our parents’ time. It’s become even more imperative that there needs to be a change in certain areas of parenting in this present times. For this change to happen, parents need to first understand the pros and the cons of the 21st century and how it affects our children.

ABSENTEEISM

I had a breakout session with the fathers and many of them had questions that needed answers. One major challenge with today’s parents especially fathers, is absenteeism. Work, social and other life challenges make fathers to not be there for their children as much as they should. We see many children picking up the habits and values of their nannies and their drivers because they spend the most time with them. Understand that when you let go of your right as a parent, you must deal with the implications that come with it. Note that like everything else, it is not just about how long you spend with your kids but the quality of time you spend. Many parents are physically with their children but are absent because they are on the phone or doing something else.

TIP: All you need is one quality hour a day with your child. Prepare and plan what it is you want your child to emulate and learn. Whatever it is you do not want them to copy from you, eliminate it out of your life. With children, it is not about what you say but what you do. Use yourself as an example, motivate and inspire your children to be all that they were created to be. Let them see you excel & live right and aspire to do just like you and even greater.

CULTURE & WESTERNIZATION:

It is crucial that as parents, we maintain a balance between our African culture and the ones we import from the western world. What part of our culture do we need to retain and what part do we need to do away with? How do we filter the western culture that violate our values and principles? How do you filter what your children consume on the internet – what internet security plans have you put in place? Some fathers shared that K9 and Net Nanny are some of the tools they use to protect their kids on the web. What are the governing values and beliefs of your family? Do you have family values? Do your children know, understand and live them? It’s not too late to create and communicate values that are true to your family at large and that will help serve them.

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Great breakout session with the fathers

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Daughters need to be partners with their fathers and feel free to share with them all they are going through. No matter how smart a boy is, he cannot be smarter than your father

 

Don't intimidate your child, give her the freedom to talk to you. Take your daughter for lunch, shopping etc.. You are the first example of a man that your daughter has - Adesuwa Oyenokwe

Don’t intimidate your child, give her the freedom to talk to you. Take your daughter for lunch, shopping etc.. You are the first example of a man that your daughter has – Adesuwa Oyenokwe

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Apologizing to all the daughters on behalf of their fathers after the plenary sessions. Fathers received great feedback from Adesuwa after her session with the girls.

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There is a loss of the physical community as more and more people move to the virtual world. Today’s child does not have the extra support that the community provided, everybody seems to be minding his own business. Give your child the opportunity to explore his/her talents, have a conversation with your kids – Dr. Abosede Lewu gave a brilliant presentation on parenting and the challenges of adolescence

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One of my favorite segments of the event was when the fathers and daughters were asked to do a painting together. Psychologically, I could see the relationship of these families reflected in what they painted.

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Trying to choose the 3 paintings that resonated with us and the event the most.

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I got the fathers to set specific relationship goals with their daughters and have the daughters read the one mutually set goal out to everyone. Powerful!

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Ended the session with everyone holding hands and declaring the “Love Affirmation”. The daddies got to hug all the daughters in the room and tell them “I Love You”.

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Group photo with some of the fathers and their girls

You can do the same with your daughter/son in your home today. In the next 5, 10, 20 years; what kind of relationship do you want to have with your child or parent? Write it down and work towards achieving it.

The Catalyst, Lanre Olusola 

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4 Comments

  • Ehi August 16, 2016 Reply

    I am just short of the right words to express how timely this article is.Last couple of days I have been thinking about how I can start connecting with my girls (got 3 of them,beautiful women).This just sets the tone of a great father-daughter between me and my girls.Thank you so much Mr Lanre…..i look forward to sharing my testimonies very very soon.Shalom

  • Adetoun August 16, 2016 Reply

    Thank you so much for your tips. I’m an invisible follower of your good works and an avid user of your positive affirmations.

  • Efe August 17, 2016 Reply

    Fantastic initiative! Well done to you and team sir. May God increase you on all sides for the seeds you are sowing today.

  • Efe August 17, 2016 Reply

    Fantastic initiative! Well done to you and team sir. May God increase you on all sides for the seeds you are sowing today.

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