Written By Sam Obafemi
Truth is: You are entitled to every moment when you have been angry; and validly so, you need to get angry when you want.
It is absolutely NORMAL, SAFE, BENEFICIAL and VALID to get angry. It is YOUR RIGHT.
This may be very difficult for you to agree with, like many Clients of mine first have to contend with. For this reason, let’s discuss the emotion, Anger.
QUESTIONS ABOUT ANGER
- Is It Proper to get Angry?
- Is It Sinful to be Angry?
- Can you Justify Being Angry?
TRUTHS ABOUT ANGER
- It is Part of Your Wiring & Make Up: You are only a Complete Being because you have Strengths and Weaknesses. Your ‘weak’ emotions are only a complementary part of you. if you cannot be sorry for being a Happy Person, then you equally cannot be sorry for being Sad or Angry.
- It is Normal and Okay to get Angry: If you NEVER get Angry, it is clearly a case of Pretence, Self-Denial and Fragile Peace. Someday, you will certainly ‘blow up’ and go beyond your normal threshold.
- Anger CAN be Regulated/Appropriately Channelled: this is the High Point in this entire procedure. Anger in itself is not a vice. It is the application and expression of Anger that is the determinant of what it should be made up of. This is the area where we need to individually explore and take responsibility for. Being in Charge of the Emotion when it rears its ‘beautiful’ head.
WHAT IS ANGER
In defining Anger, there is need to visualise how it plays out. You will agree with me that what provokes Mr A. would not necessarily provoke Mr B. But Why?
The reason is because, frankly, our propensity to get angry is largely determined by 2 things:
- Who We Are and
- What We Perceive/Interpret from the Event that may/may not get us angry.
Literally, Anger is AN INTERPRETATION OF ANY EVENT THAT IS SEEN AS OFFENSIVE.
This interpretation is largely based on the Personality who is on the Receiving End.
FACES OF ANGER
If the Expression of Anger is directly proportional to the Kind of Personality involved, then it means that Anger has several forms of being expressed. This is True!!!
Anger is expressed IMPLOSIVELY or EXPLOSIVELY.
Implosively is a kind of expression most common to the 2 Personality types who are Primarily INTROVERTS (Phlegmatic & Melancholic). They BOTTLE UP their feelings of displeasure and attempt to manage this feeling until they really cannot take it anymore. At this point, they get EXPLOSIVE. Before this level, they are prone to give an attitude or withdraw from the offender significantly.
Explosive expression is common with the 2 outwardly expressive Personality Types (Sanguines & Cholerics – EXTROVERTS). These people immediately communicate their state of mind outwardly and almost immediately, it is dissolved and let go.
WHAT TRIGGERS ANGER?
Anger is prompted by very many reasons, which may be inexhaustible and which we will explore during this week but here are quick tips on mastering Anger…
- Identify Stress
- Apply Empathy
- Retreat & Consider
- Respond & Don’t React
- Challenge your Self Talk
Follow #CoachingSMW between June 30th & July 4th for the full course in Anger Mastery.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Coach Sam OBAFEMI is a Mind and Emotion Therapist with niches in Emotional Intelligence,Stress Management and Anger Mastery. Arguably Nigeria’s first Anger Mastery therapist,he writes daily on his blog www.bhousegroup.com/blog. Follow Coach Obafemi on twitter @sobafemi to get more tips and insight.